Last updated: 17 Apr 2007
Life's 10 golden rules for your children or grandchildren.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The World won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make £60,000 a year right out of secondary school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait 'til you get a boss.

Rule 5: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 6: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 7: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer.
This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 8: Life is not divided into terms. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that in your own time.

Rule 9: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 10: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

If you can read this - thank an apolitical, non gender-obsessed, sexual orientation indifferent and pragmatic teacher with a firm grip on reality.